"I am a mess of contradictions; I don't want to be, but I am. I preach a gospel of peace, but my life isn't always driven by peace. I talk about a Jesus who alone can fully satisfy the soul, but I am often not satisfied. I celebrate a theology of amazing grace, but I often react in ungrace. Even in moments when I think I am prepared, I end up doing what I didn't want to do.
These are not the fruits of the new life, they are not the way of grace. When I step out with a desire to do good, evil follows me wherever I go .There is this war that rages inside of me, between a desire for good, and sin that is anything but good. There are times when I feel like a prisoner, held against my will. I didn't plan to be mad in the grocery store, but that guy made me mad. I didn't plan to be discontent, but it just enveloped me in the quietness of the car. That discussion wasn't supposed to degenerate into an argument, but it did. I am thankful for God's grace, but there is daily evidence that I'm still in need of help.
The battle inside of me cannot be solved by:
I have been humbled by the war I cannot win. I have been grieved by desires I cannot conquer. I have been confronted by actions I cannot excuse. And I have come to confess that what I really need is rescue.
So have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love. According to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions and my sin is always before me. I embrace the rescue that could only be found in you. Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!"