Tuesday, 4 December 2012

My refuge

This is something I wrote a while ago during a really rough patch. It still has a lot of meaning for me, as I feel stronger than ever that the only way I keep surviving in this World is through Christ being my refuge. Without Christ... I can't survive, simple as that.

The storm I'm in is a prison. The bars hold me in tightly. Each year the walls get thicker... each moment the bars gets stronger. I scream, "God hear me!" but my voice is lost in the raging storm around me. The World is screaming at me, calling for my attention, pulling me this way and that, hurling abuse at me, and laughing at my despair. I stumble blindly around in my cell crying out to God to find me. All I can hear is the voice of the World... it drowns out and deafens me from hearing His voice. It tells me He doesn't exist, or even if He does that He has forgotten me. It tells me that He laughs at my disaster and watches on whilst I slowly go insane. It tells me that I have gotten myself into this mess and God will never get me out. It tells me that I am too far gone to be saved. It tells me that I cannot hear God, because He isn't talking... But still... I will get on my knees. I will choose to hope. Though I am deafened to His voice, and blinded to His presence... yet I will believe. I will choose to ignore everything raging around me and know that in the storm and in the calm He is God. I may not understand... but that does not change who He is. I cannot hear Him, but that does not mean He is not speaking. I cannot see or feel Him, but that does not mean He hasn't been with me through it all. Hope begins to grow inside of me. Though everything is falling apart around me, yet in Him I have my confidence. He will keep me safe. In Him I have a refuge even though I see or hear Him not. I get up with renewed strength. The storm is still raging and screaming abuse, but I am becoming deafened to its screams. As I lean upon my Lord, His voice begins to break through not just piercing my ears, but my heart. I feel hope, I know that in whatever situation.... I have my refuge. I stand before the bars which have held me captive for so long. I place my hands on them. They crumble like dust in my hands. I stand in wonder.... after it all the bars were never strong.. the walls were never thick. They were but dust all along...I look up... the sky is clearing, the storm is over... I HAVE FOUND MY REFUGE....

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